The Perfectly Normal Anomaly
by kakakakatiebug
Summary: Dudley Dursley and his family were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Or were they? Mostly Canon, Post Harry Potter Books


Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number five, Wisteria Walk were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Dudley and his wife Evelyn resided in a perfectly normal two-story house that was painted a perfectly normal shade of beige. The front of this perfectly normal abode had a sensible yard covered in grass pristinely mowed by Dudley Dursley just yesterday. In the driveway sat two perfectly correct cars parked in an orderly manner with just enough space in between to suggest a mood of conservatism and modesty. The only intrusion to this idyllic image, were two small children playing in the front yard.

"Alfred, Eleanor, breakfast is ready!" Two small heads obediently followed their mother's orders and rambled through the perfectly normal front door. Evelyn Dursley was an average sized woman; of an average build who currently stood in front of the stove, frying the last few slices of bacon. As a small drop of grease flew out of the frying pan with an angry hiss, she anxiously grabbed a paper towel and cleaned the spot. After doing so, Evelyn heaved a great sigh of relief and surveyed the pristine kitchen. Evelyn remembered the first time Dudley had introduced her to his family. He had nervously held open the door of Number 4 Privet Drive for her and watched as she greeted his parents. Immediately upon entering, she noticed the vacuumed carpets, the dusted shelves and the smell of pine fresh in the air and knew she had met her match. She and Petunia Dursley had instantly bonded over their affinity for cleanliness while Vernon had been impressed with her fondness for television host Jeremy Clarkson.

"Millie, fetch!" Evelyn was quickly dragged from her reminiscing by the sound of her son's voice. Evelyn looked to see her fourteen-year old son attempting to make their bulldog fetch his fork from the ground. But Millie, contrary to Alfred's wishes, merely continued staring at Evelyn hoping to catch some leftovers. Millie was a gift from Aunt Marge and like her original owner, had both a stubborn streak and an affinity for bacon. Evelyn knew she should have scolded Alfred for yelling at the breakfast table, but every time she looked into his round face she couldn't help but just melt. "Alfiekins don't worry about that nasty fork. Here darling," said Evelyn as she handed Alfred a clean fork. Alfred grimaced at her use of his least favorite pet name and threw the fork again. "Millie you stupid git, fetch!" Evelyn couldn't help but wince as the fork hit her recently mopped floor. Alfred looked much less like the blond haired cherub she adored when he was ruining her floor thought Evelyn as she rushed to pick up the offending object. As she did she heard a joyful giggle from the table. "You're not doing it right Alfie" hiccupped Eleanor through a fit of giggles, "Watch. Millie, fork!" To Evelyn's amazement Millie took her attention off of the simmering bacon, grabbed the fork right out of Evelyn's hand with her snout and ambled over to Eleanor. Upon reaching Eleanor, Millie stood up on her hind legs and placed the fork nicely into Eleanor's lap.

"That's exactly what I did." screamed Alfred indignantly. "Well you clearly didn't do it right! Replied Eleanor loftily. "That's because Millie only likes taking orders from stupid girls like you!" barked Alfred in a manner that reminded Evelyn of her father in law. "What is going on down there?" bellowed a deep voice from the top of the stairs. Evelyn, having had quite enough of this commotion gave a sigh of relief when Eleanor and Alfred began eating their pancakes and bacon in silence. "Thank goodness Dudders, I was getting a headache!" cried Evelyn as she saw the comforting face of Dudley walk into the kitchen. "You know I prefer my other nickname, love" winked Dudley cheekily as he kissed Evelyn on the cheek. Evelyn gasped in mock indignation and proceeded placing the now cooked bacon onto a plate for her husband.

"Daddy, want to see what I taught Millie to do?" asked Eleanor excitedly through a mouthful of pancakes. "Ah is that what all the commotion was about, Dudley chuckled as he looked up into his daughter's eyes. Unlike Alfred, Eleanor hadn't inherited the Dursley blue eyes. Instead her eyes were bright green and reminded Dudley of someone else entirely and of a time in his life he wished he could forget. "Dad, can I?" Dudley's musings were interrupted by his daughter's imploring tone. "Umm maybe later sweetheart we need to get going if we don't want to be late. You know how grandma and grandpa hate lateness!"

At the mention of grandma and grandpa, Alfred and Eleanor both sped up to finish their breakfast. Alfred and Eleanor both loved going to their grandparent's house. Their grandparents always doted on their grandchildren and showered them with gifts. Eleanor also loved her secret hiding spot there. She had once discovered a small cupboard underneath the stairs during a game of hide-and-seek. Since then she had transformed the cupboard into her secret alcove. Unlike Alfred, she didn't like the loud noise of the television. Oftentimes, when her grandparents and Alfred were in the living room watching the telly, she would sneak into her secret spot and read until she fell asleep. Eleanor remembered the first time she had fallen asleep in the cupboard. No one could find her and the family had been in a panic. Eventually, her father found her nestled in the musty corner using "The Witches" by Roald Dahl as a pillow. What Eleanor didn't remember is the pain in his chest her father had gotten when he saw his eleven year old sleeping in the corner of the cupboard."

Once the family had fit themselves into Dudley's perfectly correct car, they drove off to Number 4 Privet Drive. Privet Drive was extremely close to Wisteria Walk, much to the delight of both households. As Dudley drove under the tunnels of Magnolia Way he shivered at a memory from his past and looked back the rearview mirror quickly as if to reassure himself that no invisible monster had gotten into the car with his family. "Did you remember to bring your new Smelting's Uniform, Alfiekins?" smiled Evelyn lovingly. Alfred again grimaced and merely looked out the window in response. Dudley smiled at the memory of his alma mater, but before he could reminisce too far, they had arrived at the familiar driveway of his childhood. Before he could even park the car, Alfred and Eleanor had opened their doors and leapt onto the driveway anxious to hug their grandparents, who were waiting in the doorway with open arms. "Alfiekins, Ellie!" Shouted Grandma with a smile so big, it emphasized her horse teeth to their fullest capacity. Dudley chuckled to himself with relief that his mother's childhood pet names had now been passed down to his son.

"Where is he? Where is the future wrestling champion of Smeltings? Boomed Grandpa from the doorway. "Oh Grandpa, I'm not that good", said Alfred to his feet. "Nonsense, cried Vernon, it's in the genes you see! Dursley's are born to be champion heavy weights, why look at your father!" At the mention of his wrestling past, Dudley couldn't help but blush. "Dad's also a champion eater" piped Eleanor with pride, "There is a plaque hanging in the trophy room at St. Grogery's Primary School that I pass every morning!" "Yes our Dudder's has always been very well rounded" beamed Petunia as she pinched Dudley's cheeks affectionately. Evelyn at the mention of well rounded gave Dudley a well meaning poke in the stomach causing both of them to laugh good naturedly at Dudley's growing middle.

"Evelyn darling I don't know what's going on, but my grandchildren look absolutely skeletal", cried Petunia. "Come children, I think there is some ice cream in the freezer that you could both use!" At the promise of ice cream for breakfast, both children grinned and ran after their Grandmother. "How is Grunnings treating you?" Asked Vernon. Dudley sighed and said "Same old, same old." In actuality Dudley loved his job. Sure, working with drills didn't necessarily seem like a fun job, but Dudley appreciated the logic behind drills. Drills were simple they didn't require a lot of thought or creativity. Everything about a drill made sense, there was nothing…otherworldly about them. But his father had recently retired and Dudley knew that as casual as Vernon tried to be, he missed barking orders to underlings all day, especially bespeckled ones. "Yeah, dull stuff. I tell you being retired is the greatest thing to ever happen to a man", Vernon chuckled, though Dudley could hear the wistfulness in his tone.

"Mom, Dad I left my book at home!" whined Eleanor as she ran back into the living room, spots of chocolate ice cream on her nose. "Well you'll simply have to do without it darling, there's no reason to drive all the way home for it" Evelyn replied. "Go watch some telly, Ellie, it's good for you" called Petunia with a strained smile as she hurried after Eleanor and met the adults. Petunia loved both of her grandchildren with all of her heart, but sometimes she didn't know what to do with Eleanor. With her bright green eyes and her long auburn hair, Eleanor brought back memories and feelings of guilt that Petunia had spent years trying to repress. "But I don't want to watch telly" sighed Eleanor. Dudley and Evelyn chuckled at the shocked expressions on Vernon and Petunias faces. "Eleanor loves to read, we are thinking of sending her to a private girls school in the fall" Eleanor said, still chuckling at her in – laws open mouths. At the opportunity to talk about Smeltings, Vernon instantly snapped back into action, "Ah yes, it really is such a shame that Smeltings is an all boy school. Public education today has really gone to the dogs, the Dursley genes demand more attention that public schools just don't offer."

Eleanor was still looking up at the adults, upset that no one was taking her request seriously. "Fine, she glowered, if no one will drive me home to get it I'll just ask Millie. Millie, book!" And to the complete shock of everyone except for Eleanor, Millie ran into the living room through the dog flap with a saliva-covered copy of "The Legends of King Arthur". She then got onto her hind legs and handed the copy to Eleanor. "Good girl Millie", smiled Eleanor as she scratched Millie's ears in her favorite spot. "Now go home." At Eleanor's orders, Millie ran through the flap. "Grandma can I bring my ice cream into my secret spot?" inquired Eleanor as she skipped back into the kitchen. But there was no reply, for Petunia had fainted. Luckily, Vernon had caught her and was fanning her face while muttering angrily to himself. Dudley's face was open in a mixture of shock and horror as Evelyn clutched her pearls and gazed at all three adults in

"Dad…" Dudley stammered, looking to Vernon in fear, but his father was still angrily muttering under his breath. Evelyn surveyed the adults and cried "What is the meaning of this, why is everyone so-" but her question was ignored by both Dursley males as they heard the all to familiar swish and frantically turned their heads only to see a letter sliding under the door.


End file.
